What do you do when you can’t find something?  If you’re like me, you start with a calm, cursory search of the area.  Not there?  Now the search becomes a little more frantic.  Next, an irrational excavation of every pile, every nook, every cranny.  Still nothing?  My search usually culminates in a retracing of steps.  Where was I last?  What about before that?

Usually…eventually…if I’m persistent, it turns up.  That’s how I recently found my eyeglasses in the freezer.  Don’t ask.

I propose a similar technique for identifying your dreams.  Excluding, of course, the frantic part – it seems a bit unnecessary. 

If it suits you, perhaps you could grab a note pad and actually jot down what you find.  The answers might surprise you.

Step one:  Give your life a “surface” look.

Look around the area you’re in right now.  What are you surrounded by?  What sorts of pictures are on your wall and books on your shelves?  What colors do you surround yourself with?  What sorts of furniture do you choose?  Do you like to hang on to things, or do you easily let go of that which you’re no longer using?

Pretend, for a moment, you’re a social anthropologist, and you’ve been sent in to learn the personality of an unusual tribe of strangers.  Pretend you’re walking into your home or office for the very first time.  What do the things you see tell you about this person?

Take a moment and jot down your impressions of the stranger who inhabits this space.  What do the surroundings state about that person’s dream?

Step two:  Go a little deeper

Now that you have an idea of what this person is like, continue in anthropologist mode and make some assumptions about the person you’re investigating. 

What does this person care about?

Who does this person love?

What are this person’s habits?

What things are important to this person?

Where does this person find inspiration?

Where does this person lose energy?

With what does this person struggle?

Again, jot down your notes about your deeper investigation of this person.  What more do these questions tell you about this person’s dream?

Step three:  Retrace your steps

Take off your anthropologist hat and let’s go back through your life.  Again, if it feels useful, jot down the answers to these questions:

What did you think you would be when you grew up? 

When you were in middle school (or junior high school), what did you enjoy doing? 

Who was your best friend in high school?  What did you like about that person?

Think about your first infatuation.  What traits do you still remember about that person? 

As a young adult, what things did you put on the “back burner”?

If you had unlimited time, energy and funds as a young adult, what would you have chosen to do?

Wherever you are right now, if everything was exactly perfect, what would your life look like?

What have you found?

As you ask yourself these questions, it’s likely that many images will surface for you.  You may end up with more questions than answers.  But that’s OK, because you have taken a big step.  You’re now aware of what coaches call “the gap”.  It’s the space between where you are right now, and where you’d love to be.  Coaching can be a very effective way to bridge that!

As you begin to identify those big goals and big dreams, just welcome whatever comes up for you, without trying to evaluate or scrutinize them.  Just follow wherever they lead.

Two questions to contemplate as you define your dream:

• What is present when you are “at your best”?
• What are you resisting?

PLAYTIME

Take a moment each day to step outside the window of your life and peek in as though you were watching a stranger.  What do your choices say about you…and is that the message you mean to convey about yourself?